Is it possible to have success after a big loss in your career?
I love this question for two reasons: first, because it came from a reader, and second, it tugs at the loss of confidence that comes from experiencing a setback.
A lot of folx contemplate a change of job when they've hit a significant speedbump. Some of my clients have wondered though if pivoting into a new industry or role means they’re a failure. They worry they will never feel the same sense of joy from doing what they originally loved and are haunted by thoughts they bailed too soon.
If they stay in their industry or role, they worry their reputation may have taken too big of a hit to recover. They’re concerned they won’t get the same opportunities. They’re desperate to feel joy and fulfillment again.
All of these concerns make sense, and while we don’t have a crystal ball, I can say that I know many, many people, including myself, who have experienced career success after a big loss. The key to moving forward are two tools: meaning making and finding agency.
Why Do Some People Not Experience Post-Grief Success?
Before we dive into these two tools, I do want to flag common mistaken beliefs that can hold people back from experiencing fresh success. A mistaken belief is a thought you hold as the truth despite evidence to the contrary. Everyone has mistaken beliefs and most of us don’t even realize it! (I wrote about mistaken beliefs here.)
Here are three reasons why some people are unable to experience success after a loss.
They hold a mistaken belief that time takes care of everything. Time actually needs grief work in order for you to heal. If you simply wait for things to get better, they don’t. You actually have to do the work.
They hold a mistaken belief that if they “get past” their grief, then they will lose the special memories along with the bad. Grief work is about changing your relationship with the pain and rewriting the meaning that’s been created from the loss so that it’s helpful and not hurtful.
They hold a mistaken belief success will happen on their timeline as long as they do everything “right.” This is an unreasonable expectation on two fronts. We are not in control of outcomes. We put in the effort and need to stay engaged, but we don’t have the power to make something happen. Second is the unreasonable expectation of “doing everything right” because it implies that there are grief rules to follow. There are no rules that will help you go from “a” to “b” to “c” in grief recovery.
Tool #1: Interrogate the Meaning You’ve Made
When we experience a loss, we need to understand it in order to feel safe. We understand the loss by creating meaning. We, as humans, are meaning-making machines.
We get a parking ticket and it means “I’m an idiot.” Our project tanks and it means, “I’ll never get another chance like this.” We lose a job, and it means “I’m a failure.”
In each of these situations, we could create alternative meanings that are just as valid. We get a parking ticket and it means “The traffic officer is a jerk.” Our project fails and it means “At least I went down in flames.” We lose a job, and it means “Thank goodness!”
Meaning is arbitrary, yet we are literally rewarded with a feel good hormone rush when we think we understand the why of something — regardless of whether the meaning we created is true or not.
The first best practice when looking for success after a career setback is to identify and examine the meaning you’ve created from the loss. If the meaning is hurtful, look to change it. This is not meant to encourage toxic positivity. It’s important to take responsibility for your words and actions, and you may be responsible for the setback. Looking at the meaning is meant to encourage you to make a fair assessment of what happened — and not make gross generalizations (I’m an idiot) or minimize (It’s not that big of a deal.)
In the past, I’ve gone from calling myself all sorts of names after a mistake or setback to acknowledging that I’m learning. That meaning – I’m learning – doesn’t let me off the hook, but it does give me a path forward because I am capable of acquiring knowledge.
Tool #2: Finding Agency
Once you’ve created a meaning that is helpful, it’s time to take back the feeling of control — a term those in the wellness industry call “agency “. Most people feel helpless, hopeless, and powerless after a setback, but once they create a meaning that’s empowering, they can begin the process of rebuilding — aka finding agency.
Rebuilding one’s career must come from a place of honoring your values and your purpose. (Here are links to posts about values and purpose.) If you’re living other people’s values and purpose, your career does not have longevity.
When you have clarity on values and purpose, then you can take clear-headed action. You are not reacting to the upset of the setback, you are not letting emotions run the show, and you are not allowing other people to make choices on your behalf.
Pro-Tip: Emotions are valuable, so don’t disregard them. Always listen to your feelings. They will inform your decisions. Whenever you feel dissonance (anger, frustration, disgust, disappointment, etc.), it means a value has been stepped on — by you, by someone else, by a situation. Get curious about that so you can decide how to get that value honored — which might mean ending a relationship.
Finding agency is taking action steps informed by the meaning you’ve created from the loss. For example, I’ve taken agency from being fired by becoming a coach who specializes in helping people and companies rebound from loss in the professional realm.
What Is Success After A Career Setback?
Success after grieving a setback involves creating empowering meaning and taking action based on your values and purpose.
The universal definition of success means you’ve accomplished your goal or purpose. However, there is no specific definition of success that applies to everyone. By that I mean, success to one person might be having a certain amount of money in savings. Another person’s success might be traveling the world. Or getting promoted. Or retiring at 55. This goes back to honoring your values and not someone else’s.
When rebounding from a career loss, part of the grief work is re-examining what professional success means to you. My client, let’s call her “Cindy,” started working with me when she was skipped over for promotion. As we examined all the reasons why that saddened her, she realized that she didn’t really care about being promoted. She cared that her parents’ investment in her college education would be rewarded by her rise in corporate America. She had to grieve their disappointment more than not actually getting promoted.
As she reconciled those feelings, she saw the situation as an opportunity to change her professional track. It was no longer a “bad” thing to be passed over, it was simply information that she could take in to evaluate what was important to her. Turns out her boss sensed that she wasn’t truly passionate about the line of work she was in.
Cindy quit that company and re-defined success for herself: honoring her value of creativity by pursuing her love of music. Simply pursuing her dream, rather than her parents, was a success for her.
Here are more examples of post grief success :
When Vicki was fired from her job, she believed she was stupid. Through grief work, she created a new meaning: I’m really great at working independently. She found agency by no longer applying to jobs that required group work. She chose to follow her passion for graphic design and opened a one-person shop.
Rachel was downsized from her DEI role and was unable to find another one. The meaning she created was “I’m irrelevant.” Through our work, she came to an empowered meaning: The entertainment industry is in a contraction, and I need to expand my skill set. She took agency by going back to school to get a terminal degree in order to set her up for more opportunities.
Roger was at one time a successful reality producer but found himself struggling to pay his bills post Covid lock down. The meaning he created was, “I’m too old for this line of work.” During his grief work, he created a new meaning: It’s time to move on because I’m no longer passionate about this work. Roger found agency by getting his real estate license and getting out of debt.
As you can see in each of these examples, the meaning that was initially created shifted through grief work while also recognizing the truth of the situation. Each person also found agency in different ways while honoring their unique values and purpose. Finally, each story exemplifies a different definition of success. Vicki’s success is doing what she loves. Erica’s success is feeling confident that her skill set has legs. Roger’s success is defined by his ability to pay his bills.
The Truth About “Post Grief”
Before we wrap up, I have to break some potentially bummer news. There’s really no such thing as “post grief.” The term implies that there is an ending to one’s loss. There is no ending, but we can learn to cope with the loss and not allow it to run our lives. We can honor the loss, we can find meaning from it, and we can take action as a result, but we can not escape it.
Mary Frances O’Connor writes about how grief is like a broken bone. Mourning helps the bone to heal, but years later, if you take an x-ray, you will still see the bone was broken at one point. It’s a powerful metaphor that also indicates how if the bone doesn’t heal, you can still potentially function, but with limited range.
When you embrace grief and do the grief work, you will find meaning that empowers you and the ability to feel in control of your life again.
Bottom Line
In the end, navigating a career setback is about finding your own path to success. It's about understanding the meaning behind your loss, reshaping that meaning to empower you, and taking clear-headed actions aligned with your values. Success isn’t a one-size-fits-all concept; it’s deeply personal and varies from one individual to another. Whether it’s pursuing a new passion, gaining new skills, or simply redefining what fulfillment looks like to you, the journey through and beyond grief can open doors you never imagined. Embrace the process, honor your feelings, and trust that with time and effort, you can rebuild and thrive.
Journal Prompts
Here are five journal prompts to help deepen your understanding of bouncing back from career setbacks and grief.
Think about a significant career setback you've experienced. What initial meaning did you assign to this setback? How has that meaning affected your emotions and actions since then?
What does professional success mean to you right now? How has this definition evolved over time, especially in light of any career setbacks or changes?
Identify your core values and purpose. How do these guide your career choices and responses to setbacks? Are you currently honoring these values in your professional life?
Revisit a difficult career moment and try to reinterpret its meaning in a more empowering way. How does this new perspective change your feelings about the event and your sense of agency moving forward?
Think about a specific career goal or aspiration you have. What clear-headed actions can you take that align with your values and purpose to move towards this goal, despite any setbacks you may face?
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Rebound From Career Setbacks