“You don’t have what they need.”
“There are much stronger candidates, it’s not worth trying.”
“No one wants to hear from you.”
“You suck.”
“You’re just not good enough.”
I’m guessing that these words or a variation of have been said to you at some point in your life. I’m also 100% confident that they’ve been said to you not by a boss or a colleague, but by a voice inside your head. That voice is called a “gremlin.”
A gremlin is also known as a saboteur, a demon, a contrarian. It’s the voice that’s designed to stop you in your tracks and holds you back from meeting your full potential.
The good news is that when the gremlin gets especially loud, you are on to something good. Why? Because the gremlin does not want you to live your values or your life purpose. And it will pull out all its tricks to make sure you don’t achieve your goals and dreams.
HOW DOES THE GREMLIN WORK?
The gremlin is sneaky and typically has three approaches:
The nasty bully name caller.
The shamer who won’t let you forget every mistake, failure or indiscretion.
The wise-sounding prophet who has your best interests at heart and does not want to see you get hurt.
Gremlins will frequently sound like they are protecting you from getting hurt or experiencing pain and disappointment.
HOW DO I KNOW IF IT’S A GREMLIN?
One of the clues that a gremlin voice is present is the use of the word “should” or “shouldn’t.” Here are examples from some of my clients’ gremlins:
You should wait until you have more experience under your belt before speaking in a meeting.
You shouldn’t send that email, they’ll think you’re dumb.
You should let someone else make that call because they’re better at it than you.
You shouldn’t spend money on that workshop, it’s a waste of time.
You should just be happy with what you’ve got.
You shouldn’t write that play/script/novel/blog, it’ll never turn into anything.
Any time you hear “should” or “shouldn’t” that’s a sign to slow down and get curious about the intention of that voice.
HOW TO MANAGE THE GREMLIN
Knowing and accepting the hard truth that gremlin voices are in all of us is the first step to managing them. And I say “manage” purposefully because as much as we try, we’ll never completely get rid of them. But there’s hope!
The goal is to know what creates the opening for the gremlin voice to pop up so you can name it and then wrangle it. Universally, whenever you are in a place of growth, action, and moving towards your goals, the gremlin will show up. What will help you is to get even more granular than that by specifically identifying what it is you want that is triggering the gremlin. Here’s an example.
One of my goals (and it’s also a responsibility in my job as a producer) is to attach talent in the form of a director or an actor to the feature projects on my company’s slate. Achieving a talent attachment brings me one step closer to my bigger goal of getting the movie financed and distributed. Whenever it’s time for me to reach out to an agent or manager to pitch the project this is what the gremlin says: “These reps are too busy. The landscape is too competitive, it doesn’t matter if the script is awesome. They’re never going to read let or get back to you. You haven’t won an Academy Award, let alone been nominated. You just don’t have what it takes.”
I know, it’s quite verbose. Just one of those sentences stops me in my tracks.
Clearly the gremlin is protecting me from being rejected, right? No, the gremlin is stopping me from achieving my goals and reaching my potential.
So what’s next then? How do I handle it?
LOOK AT THE DATA
One of the best ways to battle the gremlin is to look at the facts. What’s really supporting the gremlin’s statements? Let’s unpack my gremlin.
“These reps are too busy.” Maybe yes, maybe no. I have no idea how busy they are. I do know that the job of the rep is to find material that creatively and strategically advances their client’s goals. Presenting them with opportunities to do their job for their client would certainly be worthy of their time. That being said, I can be considerate of their time by being prepared for the conversation and get to the point.
“The landscape is too competitive.” Anecdotally in speaking with other producers, I do know that the landscape is competitive in regards to attaching talent that “moves the dial.” There are only a certain number of actors who can help to secure international financing per the various sales agents that I speak to on a semi-regular basis. I also know from speaking with financiers that they are evaluating greenlights even more selectively. So there are a few hard truths there in terms of the landscape being competitive.
“It doesn’t matter if the script is awesome.” I have no idea what point the gremlin is trying to make here. Awesome scripts turn into poorly executed movies. Not awesome scripts turn into highly successful movies. There’s no data (formal or informal) that supports this statement.
“They’re never going to read or get back to you.” The gremlin does not have a crystal ball and cannot predict the future - although it frequently believes it can.
“You haven’t won an Academy Award, let alone been nominated.” True. Again, not sure what the point here is from the gremlin. Data indicates that most movies are produced from auspices that have never been nominated or won an Academy Award. And those that have won or been nominated also have a track record of not getting movies made.
“You just don’t have what it takes.” Does the gremlin actually know what it takes to get a movie made? In looking at the data of who gets movies made it’s fairly wide-ranging from seasoned producers with deep resources to first time producers with no resources and everything in between.
Okay, that was an exhaustive breakdown to exemplify how to challenge the gremlin through facts. In the example above, there were some hard truths like the marketplace contraction and too many producers chasing after a too short list of perceived dial-movers.
WHAT HAPPENS AFTER FACTS HAVE BEEN GATHERED?
With the data at hand, I can then choose a value to honor in deciding to make the call to the agent or not.
Every time I’m faced with this situation, I choose two of my core values: courage and commitment. Writers put their trust in me to help them across their finish line. It’s sacred. So I must honor that and put my gremlin voices on the back burner.
Does it always work out? No. But frequently it does!
Here’s the thing, we are all creative, resourceful and whole. We are naturally resilient. We are capable of developing new skills and tools to recover from sh*tty gremlin voices and bounce back from whatever life brings us.
Each time I get ghosted or receive a pass, I learn something new if I stay curious.
OF COURSE, YOU’RE STILL GOING TO FACE DISAPPOINTMENT
I’ve also learned that failing or making a mistake only means what I choose to make it mean. The gremlins don’t get to dictate that or make grandiose statements that are not based on facts.
As the brilliant author Haruki Murakami says:
Pain Is Inevitable, Suffering Is Optional
Don’t turn an undesirable outcome into a meaning that doesn’t serve you. So the agent doesn’t call me back. Does that mean I’m a loser or that the agent is overwhelmed? So the talent doesn’t read the script after I submit it. Does that mean I wasted my time and should have never submitted? Or that the talent doesn’t have the bandwidth or the logline didn’t spark them?
The gremlins promote suffering.
GET TO KNOW YOUR GREMLIN
I know this may sound counter-intuitive, but the better you know your gremlin, the better you’ll be at doing battle with it.
So here’s another framework to help you do battle with those nasty voices:
Find the gremlin voice:
What does the gremlin say to you?
What does the voice sound like? What are the qualities?
What does it feel like?
What does the energy of the gremlin feel like?
Where does that energy live in your body?
Make it visceral:
How big or small is it? How much does it weigh? What color is it? If you could reach out and touch it, what would it feel like?
If you put it under a microscope what might you see?
Name it to tame it
Give it a name - something that makes you smile or laugh, or maybe it’s descriptive.
Kick it in the ass
Ask your inner wisdom (the universe, God, Buddha, your goddess), how do you get rid of it? Do you poison it? Blow it up? Bury it? Kick it? Send it to the sun? There is no wrong answer.
Go ahead and do that and notice and name what you’re feeling in your body. Take this action both in your mind’s eye and act it out.
Rinse and repeat as needed
If there’s still residue of the gremlin, check back in with your source of wisdom to see what else you can do to banish the gremlin.
The gremlin is gone
At some point, you’ll feel a shift. Fill that space that the gremlin occupied with a value, a color, a song, etc. that brings you joy.
The key to this exercise is to find a way to stay connected to what you’ve created so that when the gremlin pops up again you can say “Oh, that’s Bernie” and go right to kicking it in the ass.
Some people find a talisman (a crystal, a string bracelet), others identify a physical action to keep them connected (snapping of fingers, rubbing the part of the body that’s been filled.)
Remember, it’s not uncommon for gremlins to return – in fact, you can count on it. They are clever and slippery and show up in different ways under the guise of protecting us from pain and harm.
GREMLINS FEAR YOUR VALUES AND LIFE PURPOSE
Know that when you are faced with any decision, big or small, a gremlin will be sniffing around, ready to jump in - especially if you’re about to meet your potential and have a growth opportunity.
Remember to consider what values you are honoring and how you are living your life purpose with whatever choice you make. This will keep you aligned with what’s most important to you and on the path to fulfillment and positive impact.
BOTTOM LINE
Gremlins love to mess with your head, telling you that you're not good enough or that success is reserved for someone else. But guess what? Those gremlins are just scared of your potential.
When their voices get loud, it's a sign you're onto something big. Don't let them dictate your decisions. Instead, arm yourself with facts, stick to your values, and live your life purpose.
Disappointment may come knocking, but you have the power to choose how you interpret it.
Get to know your gremlin, give it a funny name, and then kick it in the ass. Rinse and repeat as needed, filling the space the gremlin occupied with what brings you joy.
Remember, gremlins are persistent, but with the right mindset, you can keep them in check and stay on the path to your goals.
JOURNAL QUESTIONS
Here are some questions to help you dig deeper into the nature of your gremlins, understand their patterns, and develop strategies to manage their influence on your thoughts and actions.
1. What recurring "should" or "shouldn't" thoughts have you noticed in your own mind lately? How do these thoughts make you feel, and how have they influenced your decisions or actions?
2. Think about a recent situation where you felt self-doubt or hesitation. Can you identify the gremlin voices at play? What were they saying, and how did it impact your mindset in that moment?
3. Consider a goal or aspiration you've been working towards. Have you experienced gremlin voices telling you that you're not capable or that the odds are against you? How can you challenge these thoughts with concrete facts or evidence to counter their influence?
4. Take a moment to visualize your gremlin. What does it look like? What tone does its voice have? How does the energy of the gremlin feel, and where in your body do you sense it the most? What name would you like to give it?
5. Reflect on a past instance of disappointment or failure. Did the gremlin voices amplify the negative emotions associated with that experience? How might reframing the situation and challenging the gremlins' narrative change your perspective on that particular setback?
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My blog aims to help people achieve their ambitious goals, their moonshot if you will. 😃 Oftentimes, though, we neglect an essential aspect of pursuing our dreams: the inevitable missteps, obstacles, and failures that come our way. Failing to acknowledge and process these losses properly can lead to imposter syndrome, burnout, low self-esteem, confusion, and even result in completely abandoning our dreams. 😟 That's why I strongly advocate for embracing grief awareness (along with other tools like values identification, knowing your why, sharpening executive function, habit forming, and more.) By doing so, we can effectively navigate challenges, regain motivation, and hit our moonshots. ✌🏾️ If you know someone who could benefit, please share this newsletter or recommend me to them. 🙏
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