The single biggest challenge my clients face is dealing with uncertainty. It shows up in countless ways—everything from deciding whether to change careers, wondering what new management will do, worrying if a project will sell, to questioning whether their work will be validated at all.
It’s completely normal to feel scared, lost, or even frustrated when things aren't clear. We all crave certainty, but the reality is that all of life is uncertain, including our careers.
When faced with uncertainty, our minds naturally search for answers to create some sense of stability. It’s human nature to want clarity, but in the rush to fill the void, we often make assumptions, create scenarios, or lean into worst-case thinking. But those stories can end up causing more harm than good, leading to stress, distorted reality, and missed opportunities.
The Story I Told Myself to Fill the Silence
Several years ago, I was interviewing for a high-profile gig in the entertainment industry. It was down to me and two other candidates. The recruiter promised I would hear about the next steps before the end of the week. Well, I didn’t.
That weekend, I was crawling out of my skin, wondering what had happened. I was convinced they were in negotiations with another candidate and would not get back to me until that deal was done. I believed I was the fallback as opposed to the chosen one.
Well, ten days later, I learned that the company’s CEO was leaving, and the company decided to hold off on hiring anyone for “my” role.
The story I created was completely inaccurate. While it didn’t make me feel great, the story put my mind “at ease” because I created an answer for why I wasn’t hearing back.
Why Do We Make Up Stories?
As humans, we create stories to fill in the gaps so we don’t have to live in uncertainty.
Physiologically, our brains literally reward us for coming up with a story. When a story is created, our brain releases the hormones Dopamine and Oxytocin. Dopamine makes us feel optimistic and hopeful. Oxytocin is the love drug that makes us feel cared for. It’s addicting to have these hormone rushes.
The danger is that the story we create is not necessarily the truth.
What’s Wrong with Coming up with Stories to Deal with Uncertainty?
The biggest problem with succumbing to making up stories to deal with uncertainty is that you are potentially increasing stress, distorting reality, and missing opportunities to take action.
If you’re like me, you’re probably making up stories that are negative rather than positive. Unfortunately, we are hardwired to focus on the bad stuff vs. the good stuff. (Here’s a post about negativity bias.)
If I had stayed present during the interview process for that high-profile gig, I might have been able to gather intel about how the company was getting a new CEO. While it wouldn’t have changed the outcome, I would not have felt so upset and angry.
I totally distorted reality and convinced myself I was right about negotiations with the other candidate. It changed the tenor of my communication with the recruiter, and it may have dampened his enthusiasm for me. In all fairness, the recruiter may not have known what was happening at the company. Regardless, I never heard from him again.
Why is Uncertainty So Intolerable?
Pema Chodron, an American Tibetan Buddhist nun, says, “As long as we believe that there is something that will permanently satisfy our hunger for security, suffering is inevitable.”
Uncertainty cuts at our need for security and feels like a lack of control, so we jump to worse case scenarios so we can prepare for the bad stuff we think is around the corner. At the core, uncertainty means we cannot predict the future, and that, in turn, means we lose a sense of stability.
The hard truth is that the world is uncertain.
Remember back in the early aughts when the financial marketplace was bullish about the strength of the economy due to the booming U.S. housing market? Most people were certain it was going to last. But then the 2008 housing bubble burst which led to a global market crash. That certainty about the big financial institutions looked like hogwash.
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