😀 One friend was doing the best work of their lives.
😀 Another friend celebrated 14 years with “his” company last month.
😀 Another friend just found out he and his wife were expecting their second child.
😳 And that’s when they all had the rug pulled out from underneath them when they were laid off from their jobs.
I empathize with their feelings of dismay, anger, fear and powerlessness. I’ve spoken and written quite frequently about being fired from my gig at CBS after having been with the company for 10 years. And I too felt like I was doing some of the best work of my life. The season I was let go, the department I led had the highest testing pilots in network history. And I was a new mom having adopted our eldest daughter 9 months before the fateful day.
Having the rug pulled out from underneath me also triggered feelings of shame, humiliation, distress, self-loathing, and nausea. That's right, I threw up. And I lost a lot of weight. And I had trouble focusing and experienced memory loss. Some of my clients have shared feelings of weightlessness or being out of their body. They also overate to soothe their emotions, slept hours and hours, and couldn’t get out of bed.
And then there were the clients who couldn’t sleep at all and used alcohol and/or drugs to self-soothe or escape their misery.
Whether it’s being fired, downsized or laid off, or any other surprising unexpected occurrence, having the rug pulled out from underneath you is a wildly dis-orienting and disruptive experience. It f*cks with your sense of safety and security, your sense of self, and your ability to regulate emotions and navigate relationships.
Please know that your loss is real and there are many tentacles to it. It’s not just the financial repercussions (which are significant.)
The losses may also include:
😳 Identity
😳 Structure
😳 Community
😳 Belief
😳 Trust
😳 Hope
😳 Dreams
Also know that the reaction to loss is grief. The definition of grief is literally “the normal response to a major loss.” And I would categorize being laid off or downsized or fired as a biggie.
What I would love for you to consider if you’ve had the experience of major loss in the professional realm:
👏 You’re not alone. Knowing that you’re not the only one may help to alleviate feelings of shame or embarrassment.
👏 Back up the fact that you’re not alone by talking to someone: a friend, therapist, coach, support group. Get validation on your feelings so that you stop rejecting, denying or trying to change them. Remember: what we resist, persists.
👏 Find or create a ritual to fully acknowledge the loss and the feelings around it. This might involve journaling, being in nature, moving your body, lighting candles, writing a “f*ck you” letter that doesn’t get sent. There are no rules on how to grieve … and no timeline.
👏 Accept the hard truth that grief will always be with you, but through mourning, you can help your mind, body and spirit to recognize and accept that things are now different. And from there you can carve a path forward.
How have you had the rug pulled out from underneath you?
I love to support ambitious, driven people who are feeling stuck and want to regain momentum so they can hit their next big goal. Want to explore working together? Check out my website.
If you’re struggling and feeling stuck with job loss, I’m co-hosting a three day retreat, May 26 to May 28th in Downtown Los Angeles that may be of great help. The Thriving After Job Loss Retreat is limited to 12 participants and is designed to help you get moving again and to feel connected to peace and purpose. My co-host is Katy Chen Mazzara, a trauma informed financial wellness coach who does extraordinary somatic work that compliments my work with dis-enfranchised grief. Katy focuses on expansion rather than contraction so you can get out of survival mode thinking and being in order to attract optimal opportunities. If you’re longing to regain momentum in your professional life, I encourage you to learn more via the post below. You can sign up here.
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Got The Rug Pulled Out From Underneath You?