1. This is not a business or career situation that comes right to mind but a living situation. My roommate does several things that I do not understand, but pointing them out or trying to correct them is amazingly difficult or wrong. For example, I buy and keep Better than Bullion stock mixes and many different flavors, but every time my roommate decides to cook something using stock, he buys more. I tried to explain it would save him money, space in the pantry, and the frig if he used what we have here. My motivations are that I see this as a waste of money and space. Using the Fergi Model, I should keep my mouth. The outcome wouldn’t change as far as my roommate buying items he doesn’t need, but it would reduce the general tension in the house.
2. Presently, in my life, I am “manufacturing misery” in just this scenario. My alcoholism and behavior burned down my career and many relationships. At this point in my life, some of these relationships and the people are back in some areas of my life. I want to express my feelings of regret and make total amends. (I have done it, but I feel something is missing.) I want to open myself up and remake the relationships as they had been, but this is impossible. I need to realize that my life is different now, and the balance to create a healthy balance is more of an internal and personal voice for me.
3. "I always welcome criticism in life as it can be helpful." I say. But don’t just tell me in an unsolicited way. Usually, when that happens, I get prickly and do not like to hear what I am being told. It also depends on the person giving the “advice”. Certain people I am better able to hear, others I get pissed at, “It’s none of your business” attitude. I can end up on both sides here, having growth and being resentful. I know that I need to work on coming across in a more empathetic way that will be more constructive. I tend to be a brash New Jerseyian. Still.
4. This one is truly an exciting relationship with others in the personal and career world. When I was a coach, it was great to receive validation and recognition for athletes who did well. “Good Job, Coach!” As a chef, I found a great meal event or meal presentation to be great. “Good Job, Chef.” When I worked in other areas, giving good service was always important, and getting a pat on the back was nice. But here is the thing: for me, I was doing my job, and because I have been a driven individual, then I needed to do great to get the praise externally. My internal wasn’t on the same page, gremlins. Today, it is more important to consider how I cultivate self-validation and internal praise or acceptance. As a creative, I make stuff, and I am the only one who has to like it because it is part of me and my growth. I like a quote from Andy Warhol (At least I think it is): “Don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone decide if it’s good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art.”
5. This is tough because it brings into play the “Fergi Model.” From this blog, I would say that I would have to make the choice between “Is it that important?” or being reminded that in life, do you want to be happy or right? These two things are usually mutually exclusive.
1. This is not a business or career situation that comes right to mind but a living situation. My roommate does several things that I do not understand, but pointing them out or trying to correct them is amazingly difficult or wrong. For example, I buy and keep Better than Bullion stock mixes and many different flavors, but every time my roommate decides to cook something using stock, he buys more. I tried to explain it would save him money, space in the pantry, and the frig if he used what we have here. My motivations are that I see this as a waste of money and space. Using the Fergi Model, I should keep my mouth. The outcome wouldn’t change as far as my roommate buying items he doesn’t need, but it would reduce the general tension in the house.
2. Presently, in my life, I am “manufacturing misery” in just this scenario. My alcoholism and behavior burned down my career and many relationships. At this point in my life, some of these relationships and the people are back in some areas of my life. I want to express my feelings of regret and make total amends. (I have done it, but I feel something is missing.) I want to open myself up and remake the relationships as they had been, but this is impossible. I need to realize that my life is different now, and the balance to create a healthy balance is more of an internal and personal voice for me.
3. "I always welcome criticism in life as it can be helpful." I say. But don’t just tell me in an unsolicited way. Usually, when that happens, I get prickly and do not like to hear what I am being told. It also depends on the person giving the “advice”. Certain people I am better able to hear, others I get pissed at, “It’s none of your business” attitude. I can end up on both sides here, having growth and being resentful. I know that I need to work on coming across in a more empathetic way that will be more constructive. I tend to be a brash New Jerseyian. Still.
4. This one is truly an exciting relationship with others in the personal and career world. When I was a coach, it was great to receive validation and recognition for athletes who did well. “Good Job, Coach!” As a chef, I found a great meal event or meal presentation to be great. “Good Job, Chef.” When I worked in other areas, giving good service was always important, and getting a pat on the back was nice. But here is the thing: for me, I was doing my job, and because I have been a driven individual, then I needed to do great to get the praise externally. My internal wasn’t on the same page, gremlins. Today, it is more important to consider how I cultivate self-validation and internal praise or acceptance. As a creative, I make stuff, and I am the only one who has to like it because it is part of me and my growth. I like a quote from Andy Warhol (At least I think it is): “Don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone decide if it’s good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art.”
5. This is tough because it brings into play the “Fergi Model.” From this blog, I would say that I would have to make the choice between “Is it that important?” or being reminded that in life, do you want to be happy or right? These two things are usually mutually exclusive.
Thanks so much Nick! I call back to this all the time .... as recently as yesterday! 🤪 It has saved many a relationship!