There is a lot to unpack here. In the areas you mentioned at the end of -isms and imposter syndrome, I see a few that directly affect (or believe they do) me. One is ageism. Yes, I am older, and there is nothing I can do about that, and I still want to work and be productive. I still have a lot to give in different areas. "Not having the right backgroundism " I have learned many things in my past careers; I have many useful skills in different roles, but they were not acquired in the "normal" path. Being turned down for position after position also leads to depression and doubt in one's self.
You make really great points Dennis - the "not right background" -ism makes me nuts. It's about skills, experience and talents - all which can be applied in different ways. I do believe there are employers who get that ... but how to find them, right? And I empathize with the depression and doubt that comes from being turned down over and over again. That is very very real.
These are all such excellent points. I think for me the ism that lead me to doubt myself was more along the lines of "weird-ism". I can completely see now that my "imposter syndrome" that wasn't really imposter syndrome came from trying to break into a system (in my case Hollywood) that didn't understand, care or relate to my motives for making film and television at all. They were interested in making a financial profit and I was interested in helping to change the way we think and relate to each other via the powerful avenue of storytelling (because that was the profit I sought). To make it all the more confusing, I happened to come in a physical package that was widely accepted in Hollywood. I was invited in, and then subsequently ignored, told I was naive, too idealistic, a pollyanna, that no one would be interested in the kind of things I had to say, told I didn't get it over and over again. I can remember back in 1995 pitching what was essentially a traveling reality show that used humor and play to celebrate how great people are all across the country and how much we actually have in common. I pitched it to an exec from Vin Di Bona (who did America's Funniest Videos) who told me "sweetie, that's not how television works. It will never be unscripted" And I listened! Even though I dabbled in editing and knew I could make it work. And this pattern went on and on throughout my career. I can see now why my confidence became increasingly low. I gave them all the power and didn't see that the reasons for my apparent failures and set backs didn't have to do with my talent or hard work, it had to do with trying to fit into a system not designed for nor interested in me. And if I am super duper honest, I guess I wasn't really interested in them either. I wanted to change them.
Thank you so much for sharing this story. I really appreciate how you identified that you came in a "physical package" that was widely accepted, but then your ideas were perceived as idealistic because they didn't fit into the norm of what was being bought or produced. There's this term that's frequently tossed around: undeniable. How is this idea, package, script, concept undeniable? It makes no sense. There are our scores of successful projects that had plenty of deniable elements. Look at the Bear. Confusing title. I thought it was a nature show. No recognizable names in the cast. And the concept? The story of a chef who goes home to take over his brother's restaurant after the brother dies. Could not be more low concept. And yet it's a brilliant show, beautifully executed that has captured people's minds and hearts. Ok, rant over. All this to say, I appreciate how you realized the system wasn't designed nor interested in you - and you wanted to change them. Powerful insights.
There is a lot to unpack here. In the areas you mentioned at the end of -isms and imposter syndrome, I see a few that directly affect (or believe they do) me. One is ageism. Yes, I am older, and there is nothing I can do about that, and I still want to work and be productive. I still have a lot to give in different areas. "Not having the right backgroundism " I have learned many things in my past careers; I have many useful skills in different roles, but they were not acquired in the "normal" path. Being turned down for position after position also leads to depression and doubt in one's self.
You make really great points Dennis - the "not right background" -ism makes me nuts. It's about skills, experience and talents - all which can be applied in different ways. I do believe there are employers who get that ... but how to find them, right? And I empathize with the depression and doubt that comes from being turned down over and over again. That is very very real.
These are all such excellent points. I think for me the ism that lead me to doubt myself was more along the lines of "weird-ism". I can completely see now that my "imposter syndrome" that wasn't really imposter syndrome came from trying to break into a system (in my case Hollywood) that didn't understand, care or relate to my motives for making film and television at all. They were interested in making a financial profit and I was interested in helping to change the way we think and relate to each other via the powerful avenue of storytelling (because that was the profit I sought). To make it all the more confusing, I happened to come in a physical package that was widely accepted in Hollywood. I was invited in, and then subsequently ignored, told I was naive, too idealistic, a pollyanna, that no one would be interested in the kind of things I had to say, told I didn't get it over and over again. I can remember back in 1995 pitching what was essentially a traveling reality show that used humor and play to celebrate how great people are all across the country and how much we actually have in common. I pitched it to an exec from Vin Di Bona (who did America's Funniest Videos) who told me "sweetie, that's not how television works. It will never be unscripted" And I listened! Even though I dabbled in editing and knew I could make it work. And this pattern went on and on throughout my career. I can see now why my confidence became increasingly low. I gave them all the power and didn't see that the reasons for my apparent failures and set backs didn't have to do with my talent or hard work, it had to do with trying to fit into a system not designed for nor interested in me. And if I am super duper honest, I guess I wasn't really interested in them either. I wanted to change them.
Thank you so much for sharing this story. I really appreciate how you identified that you came in a "physical package" that was widely accepted, but then your ideas were perceived as idealistic because they didn't fit into the norm of what was being bought or produced. There's this term that's frequently tossed around: undeniable. How is this idea, package, script, concept undeniable? It makes no sense. There are our scores of successful projects that had plenty of deniable elements. Look at the Bear. Confusing title. I thought it was a nature show. No recognizable names in the cast. And the concept? The story of a chef who goes home to take over his brother's restaurant after the brother dies. Could not be more low concept. And yet it's a brilliant show, beautifully executed that has captured people's minds and hearts. Ok, rant over. All this to say, I appreciate how you realized the system wasn't designed nor interested in you - and you wanted to change them. Powerful insights.