Have you ever felt like you’re putting in extra hours, handling tasks beyond your role, or not getting the recognition you deserve?
If so, you might be being taken advantage of at work.
According to the Collins Dictionary, being taken advantage of means someone treats you unfairly for their own benefit, especially when you're trying to be kind or helpful. Merriam-Webster dictionary adds it can mean expecting more than what is reasonable or profiting by someone. While the term can apply to many situations, this blog is focusing on the workplace.
A reader brought this topic to my attention which I deeply appreciate. I’ve certainly experienced being taken advantage of, but I've struggled to find tools to manage the situation properly.
Whatever the reason for being taken advantage of, it’s a stressful situation that takes a tremendous toll on mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellness. I’ve found that most people in this situation are both angry at their bosses and colleagues for being mistreated and at themselves for continuing in the situation.
Let’s unpack why this might be happening and what’s possible for you to course correct.
Why You Might Be Taken Advantage Of
Several factors can contribute to being taken advantage of at work that are a result of both external circumstances as well as our personal attributes. Here are two examples of external circumstances that are outside of your control.
The company is under-resourced and/or under-capitalized due to a crisis or spike in growth which creates an “all hands on deck” situation.
Poor/weak management: Unfortunately, many people in management positions are not trained or have the natural ability to support and guide others in their work. Poor managers also lack an understanding of the scope of worker’s responsibilities and how long tasks take.
Here's a circumstance which is partially in your control — misunderstanding of job responsibilities on both sides:
It’s not unusual for there to be miscommunication or unclear expectations because of lack of knowledge, experience, curiosity, and executive function. Ignorance and arrogance can also play a role.
And now three circumstances which are fully in your control:
Lack of boundaries: If you haven’t set clear limits, others may push you too far.
Inability to say no / belief you cannot say no: You may literally struggle to decline requests for a variety of reasons, including not knowing how to say no or fear of consequences or retaliation.
The consequences of saying no are worse than saying yes: You may lose your job, experience (micro) aggressions and/or be bullied.
These factors can create an environment where it’s easy to be taken advantage of, but recognizing them is the first step in addressing the issue.
Real World Examples
At this point you may be wondering if you're being taken advantage of at work ... there’s a very, very, very long list of examples, but here are just a few from my clients along with the impact or toll it takes:
Expected to be at the office when no one else is there and it takes an hour to commute each way. Draining and unfair.
Doing unpaid work in the evenings and weekends. Disrupts work-life balance and ability to rest.
An expectation that in order to be promoted, do work outside of current responsibilities (like typing up an analysis of a project). Exploitive.
Someone asks for help and doesn’t reciprocate or ask if there’s bandwidth. Added stress.
Being contacted during your vacation, holidays, or sick days. Invasion of personal time and disrupts rest.
Not receiving credit for work done or having someone take credit for your job or idea. Demoralizing.
As a first step in evaluating how to handle being taken advantage of, it's important to list the specifics to help empower yourself. It helps take the upset out of your head and gives you something tangible to work with. If you specifically don’t know how you are being taken advantage of, then you choke off your ability to do something about it. Don’t sit in the bad feelings. Find their source.
After listing the specifics, identify the consequences. Understanding what happens as a result of doing unpaid work or being contacted on a sick day helps in doing battle with the “gremlins” that might pop up. (Here’s a post I wrote about gremlins!)
Remember, the goal of the gremlin is to stop you from meeting your potential. In this type of situation, a gremlin might say things like “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “Everyone is pitching in, you don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t participate,” or “The boss is going to make you life miserable if you don’t do it” or “It’ll get better at some point.”
Steps to Avoid Being Taken Advantage Of
Once you’ve identified the specific ways you are being taken advantage of and the impact, there are additional proactive steps to help right the ship:
Do deep personal work: Reflect on your values, boundaries, and limits. Understanding yourself is key to establishing what you will and won’t tolerate. When you have clarity, you can assess whether a company culture is a match for what’s important to you.
Understand the company culture: Before taking a job, know the work environment and expectations. How employees are treated significantly impacts a company's culture. Ask around, ask for references and check out a company’s ratings and reviews on Glassdoor based on employee feedback. Some companies may simply not be a match for you. For example, one of my clients thrives in an open plan office, so when the job she was interested in was 100% remote, she knew the company wasn’t a match. Here’s an informative article from Foundry that lists other resources to check out a company’s culture.
Design an alliance: Once you determine that the company and role are a match, establish clear agreements with your colleagues and supervisors about responsibilities and what sets you up for success. An alliance ensures everyone is on the same page regarding expectations and boundaries. (I wrote about designing an alliance here.)
These three steps are simple but also require effort. They each need internal fortitude, so grant yourself grace as you do the deep work: take breaks, get help from friends, and seek support from a coach or therapist.
If you’ve done these things and still find yourself in the untenable situation of being taken advantage of, there are additional steps you can take.
Ways to Create Boundaries
It’s not easy to course correct when you’ve already established a pattern of saying “yes” to tasks outside your role or answering emails late at night or on the weekends. The “easiest” way to not be taken advantage of is when the first volley comes your way. Here are some ways to say no:
Put an auto-response on your work email saying you’re out of the office, on holiday, or simply won’t be responding until the next business day. If it’s an emergency, give the sender a path forward. For example, I provide my phone number and ask the person to text if they have a time-sensitive situation.
When a colleague asks for help on a project, you can say, “I can see how much you need additional support. I wish I could help you, but I need to stay focused on my responsibilities.” Another version could be, “I can see how much you need additional support. I can give you an hour of my time.”
When your boss gives you an assignment outside of your role, you can say, “I appreciate the opportunity to grow my responsibilities and your belief in me. Can you talk me through how I will be compensated for this new work since it’s outside my job description?” Another version could look like this, “I understand you want me to take on this new responsibility. Can you give me guidance on what I can take off my plate in order to handle this?” And yet another version might be, “Thank you for the opportunity. I’m respectfully declining so that I may stay on top of my current responsibilities as I value excellence in all I do.”
Establishing what you will and won’t do in a professional, polite manner when the requests first appear will inform your colleagues on how to work with you. The hard truth is they may not be happy with boundary setting, but think about the consequences if you don’t set the boundary.
Three Tasks to Help Create Boundaries
If you realize you’re being taken advantage of, here are the initial steps you can take to course correct:
Clarify your wants and needs: Know what you need to feel valued and balanced at work. This goes back to doing the deep work. If you don’t know what’s important to you, you can’t get it.
Understand your role: Be clear on your job responsibilities to avoid taking on unnecessary tasks. Ideally, you have a written job description. If not, ask your boss and/or HR for one. If that’s not available to you, you can google your job title to get comps and write your own.
Focus on facts: Identify specific instances where you’re being taken advantage of — without getting emotional. Like the real world example section at the top of this blog, you want to be able to present data, not drama, in order to correct the situation.
It’s important to take these steps to help you process your feelings. If you try to manage the situation when you’re “hot,” your legitimate concerns may get lost in the emotion.
Once you’ve taken these steps, you are ready to be in communication.
Having the Conversation
This next step requires you to self-advocate, which is difficult for many people. However, if you've worked through the previous steps, you are armed with the tools needed to communicate with your supervisor.
As a quick sidebar, I believe in talking to your supervisor before you speak to HR or go over your boss’ head. Most likely, being taken advantage of is coming from your boss, so you need to go to the source of the problem. If your colleagues are taking advantage of you then you will need your boss’ understanding to intervene.
Reach out to your boss using your typical form of communication, such as email, text, slack, etc. Ask to set a time to discuss a workplace challenge you're experiencing.
Write out your talking points, which should include specific situations of being taken advantage of and their impact (overwhelm, demoralizing, stress, etc.) Always start the conversation with a positive and end the conversation with a recap of the next action step.
Here’s what a conversation might look like:
You: Hi Fred. Thanks for taking time to meet me today to talk about a challenge I’m having at work. I always appreciate your open-door policy.
Fred: Thanks for reaching out. What’s going on?
You: I’m feeling overwhelmed by the new responsibilities I’ve been given. In addition to my regular job, buying holiday presents for our clients is overflowing into non-work hours.
Fred: Wow, I’m surprised that you’re struggling with this. It’s pretty standard fare for the office coordinator to handle clients' gifts.
You: This task wasn’t mentioned during the interview process and is not in the written job description. I’m fine doing it this season because I value being a team player, but I would need to take the food shopping and organizing the supply closet off my plate so I’m not working during my personal time.
Fred: Let me think about this.
You: Thanks again for meeting with me. I’ll hold off on the gifts until I hear from you and will stay on my regular tasks.
Notice how the conversation starts with an acknowledgment and then re-states that there’s a problem (a reminder of the purpose of the meeting.) The problem is stated in a succinct, direct manner. When Fred is surprised by the push-back, the response is informed by the research previously conducted, so it’s backed by facts. The final statement clarifies the action steps.
Of course, conversations rarely go the way we plan them! Which is why it’s important to have talking points.
In most situations, it will take more than one conversation to correct being taken advantage of.
What if the Conversation Doesn’t Go Well?
Sometimes the conversation lands like a turd or goes off the rails. If that happens, practice assessment, not judgment (of you or your boss.) Communication takes skill, practice and commitment.
Ask yourself:
Did you clearly communicate the topic of the meeting? This is done during the initial request, and you restate the topic when you meet.
Was the conversation mis-timed? Even if you scheduled a time to talk with your boss, the appointment may have been impacted by news that throws you or your boss off.
Did you follow your talking points? If not, what happened?
Did you stay grounded or did you get triggered? If you were triggered, what happened?
Did your boss stay grounded or get triggered? If they did get triggered, do you have a sense of when or why? It’s not your job to fix them, but it’s good to know if your words or actions negatively impacted the conversation. This sometimes happens if we go in “hot.”
Were you speaking the same language? Sometimes, in difficult conversations, one person uses feeling words, and the other wants to get into the action of problem solving.
Once you’ve had a chance to assess, then you can determine if a second conversation is warranted and/or if you need to bring in an advocate to mediate. This could be someone from HR or an internal mentor.
You may be afraid to have a second conversation, which is a normal reaction. There’s a power dynamic at play with a supervisor. If that’s the case, work with a friend, coach or therapist to better understand your fear. It may be rational, and it’s not safe to go back for another go. A second conversation could also be an opportunity to practice courage.
What If I’m Ghosted Or There’s No Change?
There’s a very real possibility that you will not find satisfaction from a conversation with your boss. They may say the right things, but then nothing changes. They may pretend like it never happened. They may be overwhelmed and have no resources or skills to make change. The hard truth is that we don’t always get what we want or need, and we may not ever know why.
If this happens to you, it’s time to go back to your values. Ask yourself:
If I stay in this job, what values am I honoring?
If I leave this job, what values am I honoring?
Either way, if you make a choice based on values, you are empowering yourself to make the best decision.
Bottom Line
If you've ever felt like you're spinning your wheels at work, constantly juggling tasks beyond your job description, or simply not getting the recognition you deserve, you're not alone. Being taken advantage of in the workplace is more common than you might think. But recognizing the signs, understanding why it's happening, and taking proactive steps to address it can make all the difference. By setting boundaries, clarifying expectations, and having open, honest conversations with your supervisors, you can reclaim your power and ensure that your contributions are valued and respected. Remember, advocating for yourself is not always easy, but it's essential for your well-being and professional growth. So, don't hesitate to take action and prioritize your values because, ultimately, you deserve to thrive in a work environment that honors and supports you.
Journal Prompts
Here are five journal prompts to help you identify if you are being taken advantage of at work and how to handle it.
1. Reflect on a time when you felt like you were being taken advantage of at work. What specific situations or tasks contributed to this feeling? How did it impact your well-being and productivity?
2. Consider the factors mentioned in the blog that can contribute to feeling taken advantage of, such as lack of boundaries, poor management, or misunderstanding of job responsibilities. Which of these factors resonate with your own experiences? How have they influenced your work dynamics?
3. Think about the examples provided of being taken advantage of in the workplace, such as working unpaid overtime or not receiving credit for your work. Have you encountered similar situations in your own career? How did you respond, and what were the consequences?
4. Explore your own values, boundaries, and limits in the context of your current or past job roles. How clear are you about what you will and won't tolerate at work? How have these personal attributes influenced your ability to navigate situations where you might be taken advantage of?
5. Imagine having a conversation with your supervisor about feeling taken advantage of at work, using the strategies outlined in the blog. What specific points would you raise, and how would you approach the discussion? How do you think your supervisor would respond, and how might the conversation unfold?
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Feeling Taken Advantage of at Work?