I didn’t grow up aiming to become a perfectionist who has bouts of imposter syndrome. Back in 1973, I was ready to conquer the world with my big sequined hat, strutting my stuff with my fancy baton in my hometown’s annual Fourth of July parade. Do you see the medal pinned to my chest? I was perfectly imperfect!
I often wonder what happened in that period between being a kid with stars in her eyes, to rising the corporate ladder, to feeling like “I’m a fraud.” I know that I’m not alone in those feelings….
Studies have shown that about 30% of over-achievers like me suffer from imposter syndrome, and almost ¾ of all adults have experienced it at least once in their lives.
Where does imposter syndrome come from anyway?
My therapist says it’s closely related to perfectionism. The harder I try to be my personal best all the time, the more incompetent I feel.
I’ve also been told how my inability to internalize my success leads to high levels of self-doubt — in my intelligence, my talents and my accomplishments.
Quick side-bar: I’ve always been achievement oriented which means I seek external validation. That external validation soothes my imposter syndrome — temporarily. It’s like a Snickers bar. Delish in the moment, but really has no long-lasting nutritional value. Accomplishment, however, is the internal experience of having done something well. For those who are perfectionists and suffer from imposter syndrome, the sense of accomplishment (that internal feeling) is elusive. Even when there is verifiable and objective evidence of success.
The term “imposter syndrome” was first coined by Suzanne Imes, Ph.D., and Pauline Rose Clance, Ph.D. in 1978. At first, they thought the syndrome was only experienced by successful women and other marginalized groups. More recent research shows that it’s felt by people of all ages, race and gender.
What triggers imposterism is typically a task or an assignment. This task is correlated to achievement (external validation) and researchers have identified two trigger responses: over-preparation or procrastination.
When people over-prepare it’s because they’re anxious and hold a mistaken belief that they must work harder than anyone else to complete the task. What’s crazy is that they typically know this is a false belief, but because they believe it, they believe they are an imposter.
With procrastination, the imposterism comes from knowing that in doing something last minute one will be exposed as a fraud.
I would add a third trigger response based on my own study and work with clients over the last ten years: pre-crastination. The experience of diving into a task as quickly as possible without thought or preparation in order to finish it as quickly as possible. It’s an anxiety response to try and avoid anxiety.
To be clear, imposter syndrome acolytes can feel a sense of achievement, but it’s short lived. The dread always creeps in - I’m a fraud, I’ll be found out, everyone will know I’m really not that good.
This drives the imposter to jump back into the cycle to prove that they’re not a fraud — even though they “know” they are.
I have a friend who has won multiple awards, been promoted numerous times, and earns a healthy salary. She calls me on a regular basis filled with agonizing feelings of being a fake. So she works harder to try and stay ahead of the “I’m going to be found out” beast nipping at her heels by taking on more than humanly possible. As a result, she steps on many of her core values, including spending time with family and friends.
The fear of failure for imposters is acute and it’s coupled with the fear of public humiliation.
I have clients who experience what I’m calling “pre-shame” in anticipation that they will not measure up to others in similar roles, or peers who are achieving more success or validation. On one hand they believe their work is good, and they also are terrified of having their work found out and they’ll be judged negatively in public. Talk about throwing salt in a wound!
In the entertainment industry, there’s a culture of competitiveness and comparison that fuels imposter syndrome. The fear that “I’m not really good enough” felt by artists and executives comes from actually being judged and dissected by people who don’t understand the art or processes of what they do. In situations when the work is being examined by “people in the know,” the culture of hyper-competitiveness may encourage the judger to be overly critical or actually commit sabotage in order to increase their own opportunities or standing. (There’s a lot more on this which I’ll be sharing in a future blog in this series.)
Setting aside the reality of this level of critique, it’s difficult for those with imposter syndrome to accept and recognize their intelligence, depth of experience, and talents. When they succeed, they cough it up to luck. And sometimes luck does play an important role - but it’s not the only element of success. It also takes collaboration and community. No one truly succeeds alone.
Finally, there are those with imposter syndrome who are afraid of success because it may lead to higher expectations of achievement. This is also fueled by entertainment industry culture in which there’s a prevalent mistaken belief that you’re only as good as your last success. I can’t get over the irony of an industry that is built on creativity penalizing people for failure. Creativity is a direct result of taking risks and thus failing.
Okay stopping here with this snapshot of what imposter syndrome is, how it manifests, and how it links to being a perfectionist.
Does this feel like a lot to you?
It felt like a lot to me in writing it! I think I need to do some self-soothing with a Portillo’s beef sandwich and fries.
Did you know that there are actually five types of imposter syndrome including perfectionism?
Next week, we’ll take a closer look at two others: the superhuman and the soloist - two forms that I see all the time in the entertainment industry. We’ll cover the final two after that and then move into how to get out of imposterism and what to do when you’re triggered.
FYI, Dr. Valerie Young is an expert in this field and I’ve been inspired and schooled by her work.
Have you ever experienced imposter syndrome? Does your imposterism show up as being a perfectionist?
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How Perfectionism Leads to Imposter Syndrome