Oops I Did It Again
Have you ever made a promise to yourself and then broke it?
This is not an unusual occurrence - people go back on their word all the time. James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, writes about decision-making and continuous improvement. Here’s an excerpt from his book specifically about the why of not following through on resolutions. Bottom line is that there’s a pull of instant gratification that bumps into our best laid plans.
Here’s the “oops” that happened to me. I promised myself that I would publish a blog every week as a way to grow my coaching practice. Which I did, and then I didn’t … so what happened?
A few weeks ago, I wrote a piece about my eldest daughter Mitzi and shared it with her for feedback. (It’s my practice whenever I reference someone in my writing that they get editorial approval.) While she was complimentary and appreciative of the point I was making, she felt it was too personal. I totally got that and didn’t publish it, but I also didn’t write a replacement. I got pulled into the instant gratification of binging The Crown (can’t get enough of those Royals!) instead of doing the deep work of writing a new blog.
This opened the flood gates for a slippery slope.
The first time I said I could miss a week led to a second missed week (instant gratification of completing several short term assignments that didn’t require deep work) then a third missed week (instant gratification from one of my besties who took me on a Miraval get-away) and now here I am using my blog as a confessional.
A few days ago, I finally took a moment to catch my breath and went back to what I’ve learned from being in this spot before:
🧐 Why did I make the promise in the first place? Is it time to recommit or to release the promise?
🫂 Practice radical self-compassion. How is judging, shaming and blaming moving me forward? (Hint: It’s not.)
😬 Self-assess. What was the mis-step and how do I course correct?
✨What values did I step on and which values am I honoring by getting back on the horse?
Here’s what I discovered:
🙌🏾 I made the promise to publish a weekly blog because studies have shown that consistent messaging is effective in building audiences and one of my goals is to grow my e-list. This goal is still very important to me and I trust the research. So as of this publication, I have re-committed.
❤️ Self-compassion can be challenging at times, but when I looked at how much time I was beating myself up, I realized I could have written ten blog posts and it was time to kick the “gremlins” in the ass.
🤦🏾The self-assessment, once I paused long enough to let curiosity step up, was much easier because I love turning mis-steps, faceplants and mistakes into best practices.
Here’s the course correction from this latest “oops.”
🕛 Schedule more writing time. I have a tendency to underestimate how long something will take, including writing a blog post.
🅱️ Write two blog posts for the bank so I always have a plan B.
👭 Find an accountability partner or someone who is counting on me to deliver. I always do better when I’ve got skin in the game (paying to work out, being in a group, joining a class.)
In terms of values, here are two primary ones that I stepped on.
📆 Planning: I didn’t have a back-up strategy if the blog wasn’t approved which was short-sighted.
✅ Commitment: I endeavor to say what I do, do what I say as a way to build trust in myself and for others to trust me. I didn’t do what I said I would.
In recommitting, I am honoring three primary values.
🤔 Curiosity: what will happen with consistent writing and publishing over time?
🤗 Vulnerability: in showing my underbelly in this post, I hope it gives permission for others to do so and that we may find deeper connection.
🪴 Growth: I’ve found some new best practices (see above) that will help me to achieve my business objectives and lessen the stress around the achievement.
Here’s the thing, we step on our values all the time. Whenever we feel grumpy, it means a value has been scrunched - by ourselves, by others, by a situation. The way to get back moving is to re-evaluate the validity of the promise, practice self-compassion, assess and course correct, then choose a value to honor.
What promise have you made to yourself that you’ve broken? What values are you honoring in letting it go or re-committing?
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