My Kid Isn't Going To College ...
And it’s her choice. Mitzi, my eldest, just doesn’t see the value in it. Ugh … this decision steps all over my values and beliefs.
My biggest question is: Will she still be successful in life without higher education? To be honest, there’s a part of me that holds on to this belief that you gotta go to college to be successful.
This is Mitzi around 4 years old. We took a lot of pride in her ability to climb jungle gyms, trees, rooftops, and curvy shaped poles at the beach.
I thought it was a sign she would be an Olympic athlete or a parkour champion and would get some kind of athletic scholarship. Maybe she could have, but she lost interest and I’ve never been one to push my kid into things she didn’t want to do. I respect the “no.” Even when it means that she might encounter social challenges.
You might have noticed that Mitzi in the above photo has very short hair and is wearing what some might consider “boy” clothes. I believe she should have agency over her body and make most of her own choices. Except for the following house rules:
🏡 One toy at a time.
🏡 Say please and thank you.
🏡 Eat five colorful fruits and vegetables every day.
🏡 Consistent bedtime and we read and then say what we are happy and thankful for.
As a result of looking like what traditional society considers a boy, Mitzi had some tough encounters in the girls’ bathroom in elementary school and that led to both defiance in doubling-down on what she wore, and also avoiding the bathroom altogether.
But I believe so strongly that Mitzi should have the right to self-express.
Is that a mistaken belief? I don’t know for sure because she suffered so much from other children’s cruelty (and a few adults), but I do see that today she is like many young people: socially conscious and a defender and leader of individual choice.
And now I’m being faced with what is probably a mistaken belief on my part about the need to go to college in order to be successful.
Mitzi has logical reasons as to why she’s not going:
🧠 She doesn’t know what she wants to study.
🧠 Despite having a 4.0 grade average in high school, she doesn’t thrive in an academic environment.
🧠 She wants to live in and explore Europe.
🧠 She wants to have a life before cementing big choices.
So what I do with my possible mistaken belief? I look at the data (vis a vis a google search) before going to drama.
🕵🏾 Success may depend on the profession. Mitzi can’t be a doctor or lawyer without higher education.
🕵🏾 Many people have been wildly successful without a degree. The classic examples are Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, and Bill Gates - they all left university before graduation.
🕵🏾 If employment and money are indicators of success then it would be important to get a degree: According to an article by the Association of Public & Land-Grant Universities, bachelor's degree holders are half as likely to be unemployed as their peers who only have a high school degree and they make $1.2 million in additional earnings on average over their lifetime.
And there a couple of other factoids that make me pause:
⏸️ The numbers show that nearly 50% of students who start a bachelor’s degree never finish. Hmmmm ….
⏸️ The average student loan debt for students in America is $30,000. Yikes!
I’m realizing what is really important to me is not that Mitzi go to college or university.
What’s important to me is that Mitzi will be a life long learner. And I think she’s got the basics of that … during lock-down she taught herself to play the bass and became an accomplished photographer by taking classes online.
Of course I want my daughter to be successful … and there are just as many definitions of success as there are paths to become successful. My belief that higher education is the only path to success may not be a mistaken belief, but it certainly is a limiting one.
I also know that Mitzi is resilient and capable of navigating tough times. She’s done it before and if the choice to not attend college no longer serves her, she can certainly make a new decision.
This is us at her high school graduation a few months ago. I’m making the choice to believe in her over my beliefs.
What belief is holding you back?
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