This is what being resilient sounded like in my childhood:
➜ Chin up.
➜ Soldier on.
➜ Walk it off.
➜ Suck it up.
➜ Rise above it.
➜ Bite the bullet.
➜ Grin and bear it.
➜ Stay the course.
➜ Keep a stiff upper lip.
➜ Don’t let them see you cry.
That’s not being resilient. That’s ignoring what happened.
That’s not bouncing back from adversity. That’s hiding from it.
That’s not adaptability. That’s being rigid.
That’s not recovery. That’s slapping a band-aid on a broken arm.
That’s not learning and growing. That’s biting on tinfoil.
Resilience is a critical trait that helps us bounce back when life tosses us a curveball. Unfortunately, most people have conflated toughing it out with resilience. And that actually leads to loss of resilience.
Today we’re going to unravel three common misconceptions about resilience.
THE IMPERFECT TRUTH: EMBRACE THE FLAWS
First off, let's tackle a big one. Resiliency is not about getting it right or being perfect. Resiliency is actually directly linked to our capacity to embrace the imperfect. You see, life isn't a highlight reel of perfect moments; it's more like a blooper reel with occasional sparks of brilliance. To be resilient, we must accept that we're all a bit rough around the edges.
In a world that often glorifies flawless success stories, we tend to forget that it's our stumbles, our quirks, and our missteps that make us who we are. Resilience isn't about pretending to be invincible; it's about acknowledging our imperfections, learning from them, and using that knowledge to grow stronger.
Think about it this way: a tree with a few gnarly branches can weather a storm better than one that's never faced the wind. So, let's embrace our quirks and imperfections, for they are the very soil from which our resilience springs.
Pro-Tip: “Shibui” is a Japanese word that means beauty in the imperfect. Finding the beauty in your imperfections is an opening to connect with resiliency.
THE ART OF FACING LIFE'S TUMULTUOUS WAVES
Resilience is not about being a superhero who's impervious to setbacks, stress, or even failures. It's about navigating the tempestuous seas of life with a sturdy ship, knowing that storms will come but believing you have what it takes to sail through.
Imagine this: you're on a ship, and suddenly, a fierce storm brews on the horizon. You can't control the weather, but you can control how you navigate those roiling waters. Resilience is that seamanship—the skills, strategies, and mindset—that help you not only survive the storm but emerge from it wiser and more experienced.
So, when life throws its toughest challenges your way, remember that resilience isn't about being unbreakable; it's about your ability to adapt, learn, and emerge from the tempest stronger and wiser than before.
Pro-Tip: Turn mistakes into best practices. For example, I set an alarm on my phone for whatever is next in my day. Having been late and missing a couple of meetings was the impetus.
RESILIENCE'S COMEBACK TRAIL: ASSESS WITHOUT JUDGMENT
Resilience isn't a static quality. It's not something you either have or don't have. It's more like a muscle that can be strengthened or weakened over time. And one surefire way to keep that resilience muscle flexed is by learning to assess without judgment. This is the secret sauce to revitalizing your resilience.
Early in my entertainment career, I was a production assistant on a live home shopping show. My job was to work the product close-up camera. Whenever the hosts would talk about a new product, I would replace the previous item with the new one. Well, I was incredibly green and frequently my hand would be in the shot.
The more I berated myself for these slip-ups, the more anxiety crept in, and the more mistakes I made.
Finally, the awesome director took me under his wing and we embarked on a journey of assessment. He simply asked non-judgemental questions about my process. And through that we discovered I was only listening to the hosts for cues on when to change the product and was missing his, the director’s, verbal cues. He taught me what words to listen for from him so I could be ready to properly make the switch. From then on, I knocked it out of the ballpark and also learned a valuable lesson about the hierarchy on set.
When we fail to process setbacks and instead beat ourselves up, our resilience erodes like a sandcastle facing the tide. But by embracing setbacks as opportunities for growth and assessing them with an open heart and mind, we not only recover our resilience but enhance it.
PRO-TIP: Take the assessment out of your head and make it visceral by writing down what happened or talking to a trusted advisor.
BOTTOM LINE
So, there you have it, the three ideas that can set you on the path to mastering resilience:
Embrace imperfection.
Understand that resilience isn't about invincibility, it’s about adaptability.
Learn the art of assessing without judgment.
Life's journey, including your career, is undeniably replete with unexpected twists and turns. Armed with these insights, you'll discover the capacity not only to endure the storms but to thrive amidst their turbulence.
JOURNAL PROMPTS
So as we continue to navigate the imperfect adventure of life, let's reflect on these truths with the following questions:
? What is one of your imperfections? What beauty can you find in it?
? What's a best practice you’d like to create from a common mistake you make?
? When it comes to assessment, what technique would best serve you? Journaling, talking to a trusted advisor or something else?
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My blog aims to help people achieve their ambitious goals, their moonshot if you will. 😃 Oftentimes, though, we neglect an essential aspect of pursuing our dreams: the inevitable missteps, obstacles, and failures that come our way. Failing to acknowledge and process these losses properly can lead to imposter syndrome, burnout, low self-esteem, confusion, and even result in completely abandoning our dreams. 😟 That's why I strongly advocate for embracing grief awareness (along with other tools like values identification, knowing your why, sharpening executive function, habit forming, and more.) By doing so, we can effectively navigate challenges, regain motivation, and hit our moonshots. ✌🏾️ If you know someone who could benefit, please share this newsletter or recommend me to them. 🙏
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