One of my favorite hikes in Los Angeles is Fryman Canyon. It’s about 12 minutes away from my house, has a steep hill at the beginning to get my heart going, is not overcrowded – and according to urban legend, I walk past George Clooney’s house.
Well, on one of my Fryman Canyon hikes, I took a phone call just as I was heading up the hill. I was completely engaged in the conversation, and when it was completed, I was out of breath and sweating profusely, but when I looked around to get my bearings, I realized I had no idea where I was ….
Reflecting back, I see it as a metaphor for many people’s career journeys, including mine. We find a path that we like, and then somewhere along the way, we get distracted and find ourselves out of breath and lost. “How did I get here,” we wonder.
Well, there are four reasons.
WHOOPS, I GOT DISTRACTED BY SUCCESS
This happened to me when I was on a trajectory for ten years at CBS. I started in the children’s programming department at the network and moved up the ladder into prime-time current and then prime-time drama development. It’s not that I wanted to stay in children’s programming, but I also wasn’t specifically focused on drama development.
I got distracted by success. I was super fortunate to get promoted on a regular basis, and it was addictive. So, I worked harder and (hopefully) smarter to keep fueling the high. I wasn’t awesome at networking or corporate politics, but I am a voracious reader and have excellent executive function, which served me well.
There was this one moment, however, when I was in New York, walking back to my hotel after a work party. My feet were killing me and I felt like I no longer belonged at CBS. I thought about grabbing a taxi, but I also wanted to shake off the day with some fresh air.
In that moment, I had a very brief glimpse that something wasn’t right: I was in physical pain because of my heels, I was in emotional pain from imposter syndrome. I felt so out of place at that party. At the same time I was not ready to make a change either by grabbing a taxi or considering a new job. It was almost like there was a career undertow in my life that took me out to sea and then I found myself in the middle of a gigantic body of water with no life jacket and not a soul in sight.
“How did I get here,” I wondered.
THE DANGERS OF AUTOPILOT
Here's the second reason you may be feeling lost. Autopilot. Have you ever had the experience of driving and you suddenly find yourself at the office when you meant to drive to Ralphs for a chicken? Autopilot is when we are operating without assistance from a pilot — namely ourselves.
In our careers, we may think we know where we are going or where we want to be, but we may have fallen into autopilot.
And the thing about autopilot is that we don't know we're in it!
Signs you are or were on autopilot:
Something feels off, and you don’t know what it is
You’re doing everything right, and nothing seems to be working
You literally have no idea where you’re at in your career
One of my clients shared how she had been honing her craft as an actor for fifteen years: auditioning, landing gigs, and building her resume and portfolio. She wasn’t unsuccessful, but she also wasn’t as successful as she had originally dreamed. Somewhere along the way, she forgot why she was doing what she was doing. She invested almost half her life in her career as an actor and felt she couldn't abandon it because that would mean she had wasted her time. “How did I get here,” she wondered.
She went into autopilot and stopped listening to herself.
COMPARING OURSELVES TO OTHERS RARELY HELPS
Another reason we get lost is because we focus on the person in front of us: the person who is getting promoted or landing jobs that we covet. We watch and study what they do and then we borrow their best practices in the hopes of catching up or leapfrogging them.
With comparison, we get focused on someone else’s potential rather than mining our own.
I saw this happen with another client who (in his own words) was “green with envy” over another person’s success. He would complain about how he had a graduate degree and the other guy didn’t, how he had been at the company longer, how he always left the office later than anyone else. My client got so fed up with “the situation” that he quit the company and, unfortunately, has not landed a new job yet. “How did I get here,” he wondered.
He compared himself out of a job rather than assessing his own skills and opportunities.
DON’T LIVE OTHER PEOPLE’S VALUES
The final reason we get lost is because we are honoring other people’s values and not our own. We may be living our parent’s values, or are siblings, or someone we admire. We may also get caught up in living the values of the industry we work in. For example, for a few years, I drove a fancy little sports car. It was my first car lease (which I could barely afford), and the truth was that I didn’t really like the car. I was living an entertainment industry value of being perceived as successful by things I owned and flaunted.
I saw this happen with another client who wanted to be perceived as successful so badly that he accepted a role that did not honor any of his values. On the surface, it was exciting. My client was chosen over hundreds of other applicants, was being relocated to Europe, and received a signing bonus. However, the role stepped all over my client’s values of creativity and independence. He had accepted a job that leaned heavily into business development rather than working with artists while also having a micromanaging boss. “How did I get here,” he wondered.
He got caught up in the value of perceived success vs. true internal success.
BOTTOM LINE
To close the loop on my Fryman Canyon hike, I was able to find my way back to the main trail relatively easily. But the first few seconds of coming out of autopilot and blindly following someone else was jarring. “How did I get here?” I wondered.
After I was fired from CBS a few months after that long, lonely walk in New York, I definitely went into autopilot. I compared myself to others and lived other people’s values. It was a time of being adrift at sea as I tried to find a new place to call “home” and a new “work spouse.”
The most challenging part of being adrift was thinking there was something wrong with me because I was lost, unmoored, and had no north star to guide me. I struggled mightily to find a sense of belonging. It was elusive.
I believe that the career undertow I referenced was actually the universe tough loving me. It had to pull me away from the familiarity of rising the corporate ladder so that I could find my true purpose and core values.
“How did I get here?”
If you’re asking yourself that question, do the following:
Listen deeply to yourself through journaling, meditation, and therapy
Live your purpose and values, not others’
Stop comparing yourself to others
When I get lost, which still happens, I accept that it’s an opportunity to re-find myself and course correct.
JOURNAL PROMPTS
Here are five journal prompts to help you course-correct if you’re still feeling a bit lost.
Reflect on a time in your career journey when you felt lost or off-course. What were the circumstances that led to this feeling? How did you navigate through it? What did you learn about yourself in the process?
Consider the concept of being on autopilot in your career. Have you ever found yourself operating without conscious direction or awareness? What signs or symptoms did you notice? How can you become more mindful and intentional in your career decisions moving forward?
Explore the role of comparison in your career. Have you ever felt envious or inadequate when comparing yourself to others' success? How has this impacted your mindset and actions? How can you shift your focus from comparison to self-awareness and growth?
Think about the values that guide your career decisions. Are you living in alignment with your own values, or are you prioritizing the expectations of others or societal norms? How can you ensure that your career choices reflect your authentic self and aspirations?
Consider the idea of embracing moments of feeling lost or adrift in your career journey. How can you reframe these experiences as opportunities for self-discovery and growth? What practices or strategies can you implement to navigate through uncertainty with resilience and clarity?
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