Dad was a heavy machine operator, primarily working on building structures throughout Chicago. He was a union man through and through. One of the happiest days of my life was when I was in my early twenties and I was driving on the I-55. I was exiting Lemont Road and I saw my dad in a Caterpillar dragline excavator. I’d never seen my dad at work before. I waved so hard I thought my arm might get flung off.
Mom worked as an administrative assistant in the membership department of Lion’s Club (a non-profit and still not exactly sure what they do.) Since she was Japanese she was responsible for inputting the names of Japanese members. I don’t think she loved the job, but she loved her colleagues. They would go on walks in the parking lot during breaks.
MY PARENT’S RULES OF WORK
My parents taught me to value hard work. Show up early, be prepared, keep my head down and don’t rock the boat.
When Dad would be scheduled to work at a new site, he’d drive out there on a Sunday to make sure he knew the route and the in’s and outs. Sometimes in the evenings I’d see him scribbling equations on a lined piece of paper at the kitchen table. Figuring out the specs of the job on his own time so he’d be ready to go the next day.
When I was in second grade, Mom switched jobs from being a full-time parent taking care of three children (with me being the youngest) to working full-time at the Lion’s Club. She worked the 7 am - 3 pm shift so she could be home when I got back from school. Her thinking was that it was more important for her to be there to help me process my school day rather than get me dressed and fed in the morning. She was spot-on.
THE INSECURITY OF THE WORKER
The choice for Mom to get a job was a financial decision driven by the inconsistency of construction jobs for my dad, and that the union had gone on strike a few times which severely impacted our finances.
I truly understand and relate to what the WGA and SAG-AFTRA Guilds are fighting for - along with the personal and financial toll, and the ripple effects to other workers. (FYI, according to Cornell University School of Industrial and Labor Relations, more than 320,000 workers have been a part of 230 strikes so far this year.)
My childhood had a lot of stress because of my dad’s job insecurity. He wasn’t insecure about his ability to do the job, he was insecure that there would actually be work. It’s an important and subtle distinction.
A lot of my clients are also insecure about their ability to find work despite unemployment being at its lowest since the 1960’s. How can the U.S. economy be consistently growing and yet the people I’m talking to are feeling extreme stress and anxiety about paying their bills and future employment? And it’s not just people in the entertainment industry.
I wish I had better insight because the data is not lining up. Which is my go-to answer whenever I’m feeling anxious. Look at the data. But what do you do when the data doesn’t actually align with personal experience?
BATTLING UNEMPLOYMENT STRESS
My parents didn’t have a lot of stress management tools. Dad was a drinker, and Mom would sleep or watch tv. I don’t blame them at all - we do the best with what we have. And I really hope it doesn’t sound like I’m shaming them. I’m incredibly proud of my parents for how they boot-strapped their lives out of nothing and raised three kids.
They did argue a lot during times when my dad wasn’t working – whether he was on strike or it being a slow period for construction. He’d do small one-off jobs for friends, and friends of friends, for food stamps. We weren’t on assistance, but that’s how my dad would get paid for fixing someone’s car or water heater or patching up a roof.
For Dad, it was important that he do something. Anything. Sitting around waiting for things to get better was too stress inducing. He knew he had no real control on the outcome of the economy or union negotiations, so he looked for places to put his energy.
Mom would have preferred for him to do more work around the house, but that wasn’t his thing. Thus, the arguments.
When Mom eventually took a job, it didn’t sit well with Dad. They were quite traditional and he felt it was his role to bring home the bacon. But times required a new perspective — and a harsh reality check.
Finding a source of agency helped them counter their helplessness. Agency involves regaining a sense of control. It doesn’t typically remove the stress, but it does diminish it.
BELIEF SYSTEMS
As soon as I was able to, I started working. First as a babysitter and then in W-2 gigs. My parents would drop me off and pick me up from the Country Kitchen where I made salads and relish trays. Same with grilling burgers at McDonald’s and folding sweaters at Madigans. They’d let me borrow the car to clean houses. Needless to say, I never wanted to experience the financial stress they did.
Later my parents made a considered decision to pay for me to go to college. I wrote about it here. While my parents didn’t invest in stocks and bonds, they invested in me. And that belief system continues today: I never hesitate to invest in my education.
I’m not sure that my parents thought of their jobs as a career. The jobs were the best they could do since neither had a high school diploma. But they did well enough and it helped them take care of their family which was their number one priority.
A career was a privilege and they gave me the opportunity to have one.
QUESTIONS FOR YOU
When you consider what you do for income, do you think of it as a job or a career? Do you feel secure or insecure about your ability to do the job? How secure do you feel that there will be a job available to you?
P.S. — There’s a lot more that my folks taught me. These two blogs are some of the most popular I’ve written. What did your dad teach you? and What did you learn from your Mom? If you haven’t had a chance to check them out, give ‘em try. I think there’s real value in pausing to consider what values and beliefs you were taught.
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Labor, Love and Legacy