Wouldn’t it be Great to have a Crystal Ball?

If I had a crystal ball I would have used it.

I would have used it that time in Colorado when I sled into a tree, breaking my arm in three places and dislocating my shoulder. It would have been great to know the future so I could have avoided all that excruciating pain. 

I would have used it that time I voiced a contrarian opinion in a meeting with the then CEO of CBS, Les Moonves, and my then boss reamed me a new asshole for going against the tide. It would have been great to know that that  mis-step laid the groundwork for our relationship to collapse. 

I would have used it the time I accidentally hit reply all. Or the time I wore a sleek cocktail dress to a business casual event. Or the time I made a snarky comment about someone not realizing they were best friends with that someone. 

So yeah, if I had a crystal ball I would have used it to avoid all my accidents, mis-steps, mistakes and failures. 

THE TIMETABLE FOR MY BOOK IS NOT WORKING OUT

I so wish I had a crystal ball earlier this year when I made a timetable for getting the first draft of my book about dis-enfranchised grief completed by December 31. It seemed really doable when I mapped it out on paper — allotting time to research, ponder, outline, draft. I even accounted for the time I thought I was going to be out producing my first movie and would not be able to write. 

I shared my timetable with a few friends because I’m someone who values saying what I do and doing what I say. It’s a kind of north star that holds me accountable. 

THE GREMLIN STEPS IN

But each time I say I’m going to do something and then don’t do it, boy do I beat myself up. I’m like an asshole NFL coach who screams so hard at his player spittle comes out of his mouth while he throws his headset on the ground and stomps around having a temper tantrum. I am vicious and unforgiving. 

I felt this asshole coach energy rear its mean, gremlin head when I recently realized I was not going to meet my first draft deadline. As I started to process the failure (check out last week’s post), the asshole gremlin started screaming, “No excuses, no excuses, no excuses!” 

PROCESSING THE FAILURE

But I held my own with the gremlin and worked through processing my failure: 

1. Leave judgment at the door. 

2. Assess the situation in which the misstep, obstacle or failure occurred by identifying the steps required to succeed. 

3. Work through the steps methodically to determine where things fell apart and where the growth opportunity lies. 

Very simply and in super broad strokes, the steps required for me to write my book:

1. Have an idea that I’m passionate about that fills a need. Check.

2. Carve out time in my calendar to research, outline, and write the book. Check.

3. Conduct research. In fairness, this step was broken down into a lot of smaller steps, but for today’s purposes: Check.

4. Outline and write the book. No check here. 

So what happened? I have to go back to the second step of scheduling time. This is where things fell apart. Time is a critical resource and became limited because of several unexpected events. 

• I was spending an inordinate amount of time dealing with our insurance company over damage that was done to our home from the severe wind and rain storms in early 2023.

• As a result of the insurance company challenges, I spent time coordinating inspections, forensics engineers, and various experts who needed to inspect our property. 

• Then our little dog Roo had health issues.

• On a positive note, our youngest daughter joined the Mammoth Ski Team. That process required time to visit the lodge, conduct research on equipment and lodging for the winter season, fill out applications, etc. 

• To put a cherry on top of a tonnage of unexpected events, I experienced technical issues and a steep learning curve while updating my website (#squarespacesucks) and onboarding a new customer relationship management tool. 

Not only were each of these things time consuming, they also took a toll on my mental and emotional health. I needed time to rest and recover. 

So yeah, if I had a crystal ball and knew what the future held, I would have mapped out my book writing timetable a little differently. Or a lot. 

NOTHING GOES AS PLANNED

I know I’m not alone in forgetting to account for the unexpected. I lead an accountability group and this very topic arises frequently. 

Here are examples of the unexpected:

• The goal is to shoot a short film. The unexpected is the videographer gets Covid the day before production. 

• The goal is to get a promotion within two years. The unexpected is your boss leaves the company and you lose your advocate.

• The goal is to pitch your project to Netflix. The unexpected is a change to their creative mandate and they no longer want to hear the idea. 

The hard truth is that when we’re in the process of achieving a goal, events that we don’t anticipate will happen. Things rarely go exactly as planned.

WRITE YOURSELF A PERMISSION SLIP

A tool that I’ve found to help with this problem is the “permission slip.”

A permission slip grants authorization for something out of the ordinary to occur. Remember when you were in middle school and your parents signed a permission slip for you to go on a field trip? So very fun! 

When I work with clients and we’re mapping out a strategic plan to achieve a goal, we break it down into small, measurable steps. The smaller the better so the client feels at least 80% confident that it’s achievable. And then we estimate which steps can be accomplished in the coming two weeks so we can track and assess progress. 

One of the keys to not losing confidence in achieving your goal is to write a permission slip. It’s to literally say it’s ok to not work on the tasks in the designated time slots when certain events happen. For example, a doctor’s appointment or a family commitment. 

Pro-tip: Put commitments into your calendar so you can use it as a tool for time management while goal setting. 

And then we write another permission slip for the un-expected … because as much as we’d like to have a crystal ball we don’t. Unavoidable events are going to pop up that impact our ability to complete a task. Acknowledging the unexpected requires the creation of breathing room. This means that your timetable to achieving a goal is not so tight that there’s no room for grace.  

Women and overachievers especially suffer when they miss self-imposed deadlines or step outside of their routines or structures. Social constructs frequently dictate that they accommodate new data, responsibilities and challenges and still maintain what they were already committed to. Trying to balance the expected along with the unexpected stretches them too thin and they lose steam and confidence. 

BOTTOM LINE

I know you’d use a crystal ball too if you could predict the future and avoid being stretched too thin, making mistakes and failing. Since that’s not possible, use the next best thing: a permission slip. It allows you to plan for both the expected and the unexpected. Granting yourself grace allows you to show up for whatever is important in the moment with your focus, talent and passion. And that’s a really good thing.

JOURNAL PROMPTS

What goal or task are you working on over the next two weeks? What do you anticipate might arise that would slow or stop you from completing the task? What accommodations do you need to make to still complete the task? Or do you need to move the timeline? Will you write yourself a permission slip granting yourself grace if the unexpected arises in the next two weeks that changes your timeline? 

🙌🏾  Want to work with me? I offer private coaching sessions as well as in-person and virtual group work. Reach out directly here to set up a complimentary consultation. 

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