Feeling Stuck?
This is my eldest daughter Mitzi when she was three-years-old, looking at snow for the first time.
A framed 5” x 7” version sits on my desk as a reminder to approach life with curiosity and wonder. It’s easy to do this when it’s a child or the snow or a recipe or a book or a potential new friend. Much harder to do when it’s being stuck – especially when reaching for a moonshot.
My client, whom I’ll call Rachel, is feeling stuck. Her corporate career has evaporated and as strong, fearless, and pragmatic as she is, she can’t make a decision on the next step. She fluctuates between pursuing another corporate gig or doing something entrepreneurial (moonshot!). What’s important to her is that whatever she does, it has meaning. At the same time, her priority is to figure out how to make money to support her family, since she’s the primary breadwinner. Here’s how we’ve been sorting through this.
Rachel initially took a more traditional approach to getting un-stuck:
✔️ Made a list of pros and cons (corporate vs. entrepreneurism).
✔️ Locked in three informational interviews to gather information about different types of roles on the corporate side, and spoke to one entrepreneur who successfully launched a small business.
✔️ Applied to any and all jobs that she might qualify for on the corporate side and started putting a business plan together. She called this her “throw everything against the wall until something sticks” plan.
A few weeks ago, Rachel got an offer that was similar to her previous corporate gig. She felt compelled to say yes for financial reasons, and she was also anxious about saying yes because it didn’t make her heart pitter patter.
Why was Rachel having a dual reaction? She was reacting, not responding to her stuckness.
✅ Reacting is primal action. Responding is thoughtful consideration.
✅ Reacting in certain situations can be important and effective. A glass starts to fall, and you grab it without thinking, before it hits the floor and breaks.
✅ Responding is taking the time to pause and ponder, to activate curiosity and get clear on values and priorities.
For Rachel, feeling stuck propelled her into action without strategy. For many of my other clients, feeling stuck cements them and they can’t take any action at all.
Reaction and response can be triggered by any kind of stimulation or a decision.
Rachel was triggered by not knowing what to do, which led to her feeling stuck, which led to her stepping on her value of taking action. She was so uncomfortable in her stuckness that she became reactive by applying to all jobs and writing a business plan all at the same time.
Rachel wanted to stop feeling bad so badly.
The key for Rachel is to examine her relationship with the stuckness and not let it slide into the driver’s seat.
Let’s take a cue from three-year-old Mitzi when she saw snow for the first time, and pushed the pause button. What are we looking for when we push the pause button?
❓What triggered the stuckness?
❓What values are being stepped on?
❓What’s the priority?
❓What values are important in moving forward?
❓Where’s the overlap between values and priority?
Breaking this down further from Rachel’s POV, here’s what we uncovered:
😰 The fear of dipping into savings to cover her monthly nut was triggering the stuckness. What was underneath the fear was the desire to start her own business (moonshot!), but she had no idea how to go about it and what the time frame of making money might be.
‼️ Rachel was stepping on two primary values: honesty and action. She was not being honest with herself about her true desire of being an entrepreneur. Since she didn’t know how to get started in launching a new business, she didn’t take any action steps.
💲Her priority was making money and she knew she had about six months of financial runway before she had to dip into savings.
➡️ Moving forward, Rachel realized that the values she wanted to honor were courage and family.
👪 The overlap between making money, courage and family was allowing herself to slow down enough to do the research on what it would take to launch her business, what the time horizon would be to make money, and having the courage to talk with her family about the things she wanted to do (despite not knowing how to achieve them).
Ultimately, Rachel accepted another corporate job offer that is a hybrid position. It gives her flexibility to explore starting her own business and she’s actively writing a business plan. Her family has totally stepped up to take things off her plate so she can have more time to do her research and secure financing. She’s at the beginning of this journey and is excited to be taking action to achieve her moonshot.
Underneath Rachel’s fear of dipping into savings was a belief that she had to choose either a corporate life or be an entrepreneur. Her heart really wanted her to have her own business, but her priority was taking care of her family financially. She just didn’t know how to accomplish both, which equated to stuckness, which stepped on her values of honesty and action.
By looking at her life with curiosity and wonder, she was able to see a way forward and get un-stuck. She is on her way to achieving her moonshot.
What part of your life would benefit from a little wonder and curiosity?
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