Do you find yourself feeling grumpy or frustrated by what you’re doing - or not doing? Do you have trouble making decisions, maybe feeling stuck in the vortex of analysis paralysis? Do you ever get annoyed at other people?
If you answered yes to any of these questions it means your values are being stepped on. Either by you, by someone else or by a situation.
Values are what’s important to you and they are unique to each of us. Think of them like fingerprints in the sense that everyone has them, but no two people share the same exact marks. We may share values with other people, but there is never 100% overlap.
Values are not chiseled in stone and change due to new information, experiences, and growth. For example, when I was in high school, it was really important to me to get good grades to increase my chances of getting into college. When I was in college, it was really important to me to join a lot of clubs and groups so I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life after school. I actually went from being an “A” student in high school to being a “B” student at university.
WHAT ARE YOU VALUES NOT?
Values are not morals or ethics. Morals say if something is good or bad. Ethics say whether something is right or wrong.
Morals are standards of how to behave that are typically shared by a group of people. For example, I had a friend who belonged to a group which upheld a moral of no sex before marriage. Anyone who did so was considered bad.
Ethics are typically guidelines to help businesses and professionals in making decisions that follow a specific code of conduct. As part of my certification as a coach (which is renewed on a regular basis), I agree to an ethical code of conduct which includes confidentiality. If I break confidentiality, then I have done something wrong.
While values may be informed by external factors, they are an internal compass. Values guide an individual, while morals and ethics guide groups of people.
WHY ARE VALUES SO IMPORTANT?
Knowing and living your values with clarity and consciousness is the key to fulfillment. Think of values as your North Star to help you in making decisions across the span of your lifetime. You can always look to your North Star to determine if you are in alignment or need to course correct.
I’ve made some wonky decisions in my life when my North Star has been obscured by “gremlin” voices or getting caught up in someone else’s values. Like the time I did the lemonade cleanse to try and lose weight I didn’t really need to lose because I wanted to be cool and belong by looking a certain way.
VALUES = EMPOWERMENT
When you are in alignment with your values, you come from a place of empowerment. You have control over your own life — and you are also fully responsible for the choices you make. It can be exhilarating and scary.
When I was early in my career, I made a strong stand for a director that had never done a pilot before. I felt emboldened in my advocacy because I had done my homework and felt confident he was the right choice. I honored my value of championing marginalized voices and I was scared I was going to get fired if he didn’t deliver.
When you make choices that step on your values, life starts to feel bad. A hard truth is that we step on our values all the time - and we frequently don’t recognize it. When my husband forgets to do something we talked about, I get upset which is a normal reaction. However, I step on my value of curiosity when I don’t ask him what happened or why. So then I’m upset with him and I feel grumpy and upset with myself. When I honor my value of curiosity, it creates a path forward to course correct and create new best practices with my husband so we don’t repeat the same mistakes.
IF I HONOR MY VALUES 100% OF THE TIME, WILL I BE HAPPY?
The more consistent you are in honoring our values, the more fulfilled you will be.
Fulfillment is living your life to its fullest capacity - which includes big highs and big lows. Writing this blog is fulfilling for me. There are times when I am walking and writing on air and I’m able to express myself clearly and creatively. There are other times when I stare at a blank screen for what feels like hours - it’s like nails on a chalkboard. It’s painful and gremlins pop up. Sometimes honoring values can be challenging.
Hard truth: honoring your values will not always bring bliss.
It will bring fulfillment.
HOW DO VALUES RELATE TO CAREER SUCCESS?
It’s critical to know your values if you’re to find a job where you are set up for success and achieve long-term career fulfillment. Why? Because over the course of your professional life you encounter a gazillion decision points. Knowing your values helps you make decisions that are aligned with what’s important to you. When you are honoring what’s important to you, you feel grounded and empowered.
After I was fired from a high-profile job, I was out of work for almost a year. I had the opportunity to join a small production company and I immediately said “yes” without fully considering what was important to me — other than paying my bills and escaping the humiliation of having been let go.
If I knew then what I know now (!), I would have been able to identify that the role didn’t actually honor my values at the time. But all I could hear was my father’s voice in my head that I had to have a job, no matter what.
Many of my clients say yes to opportunities because they are living someone else’s values. They don’t really want to go to law school, or stay in their hometown, or work for a big firm. But they say yes because someone close to them that they trust says it’ll get their foot in the door, or provide stability, or they’ll learn a skill set that will always be valuable.
Another hard truth (third one today!) Your professional life will be full of challenges. There’s simply no avoiding it whether you are living your values or not. So why not live your values and make empowered choices? This will allow you to get through the down-turns with more ease and grace.
VALUES ARE A MAGNET
The other critical factor of knowing and living your values is that you become a magnet for the opportunities and for the people who are aligned with what's important to you. We are naturally drawn to what feels comfortable and familiar to us. So if you actively celebrate what’s important to you then you will be a beacon to others who share those values. Then you create an inner circle that can help you navigate the naturally occurring downturns.
One of my core values is learning and I love to read, go to workshops, and take classes. I used to be a little shy about that because I thought everyone in entertainment valued going to parties and would think I was too nerdy. But when I honored my value of education, I met amazing people at the workshops I attended who have become a part of my inner circle.
BOTTOM LINE
In a nutshell, here's the deal with values: they're your internal GPS, guiding your decisions and actions. When you're in sync with your values, life feels more fulfilling, even if it's not all rainbows and butterflies. It's not about 100% happiness; it's about being 100% you.
Knowing your values is especially crucial when it comes to your career. Trust me, you'll encounter countless forks in the road, and being in tune with your values will keep you on a path that truly resonates with you. Don't be swayed by what others think you should do. Life's a rollercoaster, and your values are the seatbelt that keeps you secure during the twists and turns.
And here's a sweet bonus: when you live your values out loud, you attract like-minded folks and opportunities. It's like a magnet for awesome connections and experiences. So, honor your values, even when they make you feel a bit nerdy or uncomfortable at times. It's the road to a more fulfilling life.
JOURNAL QUESTIONS
Here are a few journal questions to support you in deepening your relationship with values.
1. What are my core values? Take a moment to reflect on your personal values. What really matters to you in life? Are they clear to you, or do they need some exploration?
2. When have I recently felt out of alignment with my values? Think back to a situation where you felt frustrated, grumpy, or annoyed. Can you pinpoint if it was because your values were being stepped on? What might you have done differently?
3. How have my values influenced my career decisions? Reflect on your past career choices. Were they in line with your values, or did you compromise them for external pressures or expectations? What might you do differently going forward?
4. What's one action I can take to honor my values more consistently? Identify a small step you can take today to align your actions more closely with your values. It could be something as simple as setting a boundary or exploring a new interest.
5. How can I become a magnet for like-minded people and opportunities? Consider how you can actively embrace and express your values in your life. How might this attract individuals and experiences that resonate with what's important to you?
These questions will help you gain a deeper understanding of your own values and how they impact your life and decisions. Happy journaling!
🙌🏾 Questions? Would you like additional support in accessing resilience? I offer private coaching sessions as well as in-person and virtual group work. Reach out directly here to set up a complimentary consultation.
If you’re resonating with what you’re reading, please consider subscribing. What’s that mean?
🙌🏾 You’ll receive regular emails (with lots of heart and a bit of humor) that share a tool or insight from my coaching practice.
🙌🏾 Typically the blog and blogcast will have a question at the end to provoke thought that supports you in your growth.
🙌🏾 Updates on offerings, free stuff, recommendations, referrals.
My blog aims to help people achieve their ambitious goals, their moonshot if you will. 😃 Oftentimes, though, we neglect an essential aspect of pursuing our dreams: the inevitable missteps, obstacles, and failures that come our way. Failing to acknowledge and process these losses properly can lead to imposter syndrome, burnout, low self-esteem, confusion, and even result in completely abandoning our dreams. 😟 That's why I strongly advocate for embracing grief awareness (along with other tools like values identification, knowing your why, sharpening executive function, habit forming, and more.) By doing so, we can effectively navigate challenges, regain motivation, and hit our moonshots. ✌🏾️ If you know someone who could benefit, please share this newsletter or recommend me to them. 🙏
Chart Your Career Course